Numbnuts Athletic Co. · Est. 1974
Don't peak early.
Thirty days of conditioning. One drill a day from Coach. Equipment issued to every graduate.
Numbnuts Athletic Co. · Est. 1974
Thirty days of conditioning. One drill a day from Coach. Equipment issued to every graduate.
The equipment · Issue one
A metered pump in an amber bottle, in a kraft carton. Apply to the jock, wait five minutes, play the fourth quarter. That is the whole regimen.
No branding, no description, no Coach. What is printed on the carton stays inside the box.
An over-the-counter drug, not a cosmetic. Made to the FDA monograph by a registered facility.
The roster is an enrollment notice, not an order form. You will be told the date before you are asked for anything.
The method
Uncap the bottle. Prime the pump once.
Even coverage. Nothing heroic.
Do not rush step three. Coach is watching.
Numb Nut November
We run camp. Thirty days, one drill a day, a certificate at the end and equipment in the post. The roster closes on 31 October and Coach does not repeat the warm-up.
“A tired jock is a liability in the fourth quarter. Take care of the jock and the jock takes care of you.”
Coach
Conditioning Division, 14 seasons
“Nobody remembers how you started. They remember how you finished.”
Squad Captain
Class of '74
“The first quarter is not the game. Pace, hold, finish — in that order, every time.”
Field Instruction
Sheet 9
Questions nobody asks out loud
Benzocaine in a water-soluble base. It is an over-the-counter drug, not a cosmetic, made to the FDA monograph for this category. The full formulation, the directions and the Drug Facts panel are printed on the carton. Read them before use.
Open. Apply to the jock. Wait five minutes. Coach will tell you that the third step is the one people get wrong, and Coach is right.
Because it is five minutes. That is what the five minutes is for. Nobody has ever regretted waiting. Coach has watched a great many people regret not waiting.
No. It ships in a plain outer mailer with no branding and no description on the outside. Your postman learns nothing.
Nothing ships yet. Camp runs through November and graduates are issued equipment first. Signing the roster costs nothing and commits you to nothing — you will be told the date long before you are asked for anything.
Numbnuts Athletic Co., Conditioning Division, established 1974. Make of that what you will.
Coach does not do interviews.
Numb Nut November
Roster closes 31 October. Drills arrive daily from 1 November. Graduates are issued equipment first.
No fee. No obligation. Equipment is not sold on this form.
Camp opens 1 November. Drills arrive daily. Graduates are issued equipment first.